When people first caught a glimpse of Rob, they would label him a loner. You know, someone who always wanted to be left alone. But on the rare occasion that someone made the extreme effort needed to actually get to know him, they would discover that it wasn’t so much that Rob was a loner, but that he was driven by the need to prove that he could do everything by himself.
“Hey, Rob, do you need some help carrying that canoe?” someone once asked the short-but-muscular boy as he strained under the weight of the boat.
“No, I do not!” Rob yelled back. “What do I look like, a wimp?”
Rob ended up spending the rest of the day in bed with a sprained back instead of paddling out on the lake.
Another time, someone offered to help Rob paint a shed on his family’s farm, but he was quickly turned down.
“Thanks for the offer, but no thanks,” said Rob abruptly. “I don't need any help. Why, I can finish painting this thing by lunch all by myself,” he boasted, with a broad grin on his face.
Well, it ended up taking Rob almost four days to paint that big old barn. And by the time he was finished, Rob was sore for two weeks. His legs and arms ached, his hands were raw from holding the brushes, and his hair was bright red for weeks.
But for Rob, all the pain, suffering, and wasted time didn’t matter. The important thing his was proving to the world that there wasn’t anything he could not accomplish by himself. By accepting help, or even worse, by asking for help, it was as if he was saying, “I am not good enough to get things done. I give up. I surrender.”
Never once did Rob consider that by working with others he could get more done, and better and faster. No way. With Rob, everything was personal. And people accommodated what they called “Rob’s problem” by ignoring him, and never bothering to invite him to do anything with them in groups.
“That would just be a waste of time,” they concluded.
Rob’s state of blissful isolation lasted quite some time. But it was bound to fall apart one day, and it did.
Bob's language arts teacher, Mrs. Jones, announced, “Class, we are going to write and produce our very own play. We will work together and have lots of fun doing it. Won’t that be wonderful?”
Everyone looked at Rob in the back of the class. He seemed agitated at the thought of working together in a group. He was sweating, his face turned red, and he could hardly talk. Big, strong loner Rob had been reduced to near tears.
“I can’t do this. I can’t work in groups. They will just hold me back, get in the way,” Rob half-chokingly blurted out to Mrs. Jones from his safe perch at the back of the class.
“But Rob, we are all going to work together on this project, and that is all there is to it,” Mrs. Jones said in a firm voice that no one would dare challenge. “Do you have a problem with that?” she asked.
“Who me, have a problem with anything I can't handle? Of course not,” Rob said, just before the entire class burst out in laughter.
"Don't worry," said one girl cheerfully. "We'll teach you how to accept help!"
"I don't need any help learning to accept help!" said Rob.
"Yes, you do!" countered the girl. "You need help learning to learn that you need to accept help!"
"Huh?" said Rob.
"Never mind," laughed the teacher. "Just—welcome to the class, Rob!"
Questions for reflection
1. How do you think Rob did working in a group on his class play?
2. Do you know anyone like Bob? (No names, please!) Are you like him at all?
3. What do you think Rob's teacher meant when she said, "Welcome to the class, Rob!"?
4. Rob is very proud of being able to do things himself. Do you think this is a true or a false pride?
5. Can you name some things that a group cooperating together could accomplish that one individual alone could not possibly do?
6. If you were Rob’s friend, what would you do or say to help him consider working with other people?
Exercise
Below are different kinds of activities relating to farm life, home care, and fishing. Next to the appropriate letter, write how two or more people working together could divide the labor and make the task go better. If it is a task better done by just one individual, write "I" next to it.
A. Cow milking
B. Fence mending
C. Tractor driving
D. Egg collection
E. Putting a new roof on a house
F. Cutting back the branches on a tall tree
G. Washing the kitchen floor
H. Washing the dinner dishes and pots and pans
I. Hanging a picture just right on a wall
J. Getting a boat from where it is pulled up on shore into the water
K. Rowing out to the deep part of a lake
L. Putting worms and other bait on a fish hook
M. Casting the line of the rod out far from the boat
N. Reeling in a fish that has bitten onto the bait
O. Netting the fish and bringing it into the boat
Note: While a few of these tasks really are better done by an individual, it is amazing how many of them can be accomplished more easily and successfully with help from at least one other person.
Rob's story
Table of Contents
When people first caught a glimpse of Rob, they would label him a loner. You know, someone who always wanted to be left alone. But on the rare occasion that someone made the extreme effort needed to actually get to know him, they would discover that it wasn’t so much that Rob was a loner, but that he was driven by the need to prove that he could do everything by himself.
“Hey, Rob, do you need some help carrying that canoe?” someone once asked the short-but-muscular boy as he strained under the weight of the boat.
“No, I do not!” Rob yelled back. “What do I look like, a wimp?”
Rob ended up spending the rest of the day in bed with a sprained back instead of paddling out on the lake.
Another time, someone offered to help Rob paint a shed on his family’s farm, but he was quickly turned down.
“Thanks for the offer, but no thanks,” said Rob abruptly. “I don't need any help. Why, I can finish painting this thing by lunch all by myself,” he boasted, with a broad grin on his face.
Well, it ended up taking Rob almost four days to paint that big old barn. And by the time he was finished, Rob was sore for two weeks. His legs and arms ached, his hands were raw from holding the brushes, and his hair was bright red for weeks.
But for Rob, all the pain, suffering, and wasted time didn’t matter. The important thing his was proving to the world that there wasn’t anything he could not accomplish by himself. By accepting help, or even worse, by asking for help, it was as if he was saying, “I am not good enough to get things done. I give up. I surrender.”
Never once did Rob consider that by working with others he could get more done, and better and faster. No way. With Rob, everything was personal. And people accommodated what they called “Rob’s problem” by ignoring him, and never bothering to invite him to do anything with them in groups.
“That would just be a waste of time,” they concluded.
Rob’s state of blissful isolation lasted quite some time. But it was bound to fall apart one day, and it did.
Bob's language arts teacher, Mrs. Jones, announced, “Class, we are going to write and produce our very own play. We will work together and have lots of fun doing it. Won’t that be wonderful?”
Everyone looked at Rob in the back of the class. He seemed agitated at the thought of working together in a group. He was sweating, his face turned red, and he could hardly talk. Big, strong loner Rob had been reduced to near tears.
“I can’t do this. I can’t work in groups. They will just hold me back, get in the way,” Rob half-chokingly blurted out to Mrs. Jones from his safe perch at the back of the class.
“But Rob, we are all going to work together on this project, and that is all there is to it,” Mrs. Jones said in a firm voice that no one would dare challenge. “Do you have a problem with that?” she asked.
“Who me, have a problem with anything I can't handle? Of course not,” Rob said, just before the entire class burst out in laughter.
"Don't worry," said one girl cheerfully. "We'll teach you how to accept help!"
"I don't need any help learning to accept help!" said Rob.
"Yes, you do!" countered the girl. "You need help learning to learn that you need to accept help!"
"Huh?" said Rob.
"Never mind," laughed the teacher. "Just—welcome to the class, Rob!"
Questions for reflection
1. How do you think Rob did working in a group on his class play?
2. Do you know anyone like Bob? (No names, please!) Are you like him at all?
3. What do you think Rob's teacher meant when she said, "Welcome to the class, Rob!"?
4. Rob is very proud of being able to do things himself. Do you think this is a true or a false pride?
5. Can you name some things that a group cooperating together could accomplish that one individual alone could not possibly do?
6. If you were Rob’s friend, what would you do or say to help him consider working with other people?
Exercise
Below are different kinds of activities relating to farm life, home care, and fishing. Next to the appropriate letter, write how two or more people working together could divide the labor and make the task go better. If it is a task better done by just one individual, write "I" next to it.
A. Cow milking
B. Fence mending
C. Tractor driving
D. Egg collection
E. Putting a new roof on a house
F. Cutting back the branches on a tall tree
G. Washing the kitchen floor
H. Washing the dinner dishes and pots and pans
I. Hanging a picture just right on a wall
J. Getting a boat from where it is pulled up on shore into the water
K. Rowing out to the deep part of a lake
L. Putting worms and other bait on a fish hook
M. Casting the line of the rod out far from the boat
N. Reeling in a fish that has bitten onto the bait
O. Netting the fish and bringing it into the boat
Note: While a few of these tasks really are better done by an individual, it is amazing how many of them can be accomplished more easily and successfully with help from at least one other person.
Hooray for people!